Trying To Fall
by northern

Part of the Sweet Teddy B Does The Twist challenge.

Thank you jchalo, Kim and Music Diamond for beta and hand holding.

Simple night houses rain
Standing pat in the breathless blue air.

It's cool and nice and we have to wait, can't go yet. No bus air

new and fresh and wet

after

before

destruction

I'll go for a walk. No Joey out there and it's beautiful and the light!

Another world

It's almost night but it's wet beautiful small houses on a hill and the air!

filling me expanding me

In the air, in the fair air, the houses are in the air. Air stair to the sky. That's what Jacob climbed on. The stairway to heaven. I'll bet it didn't rain then. But that was a long time ago. Except for the song.

This kind of light shouldn't be able to exist

But it does, and I see it, with my own eyes, so it's truetrue

True blue, a stick in a shoe, turns black and then blue, cu cu ca-chu.

Are we going yet? No, still changing the flat

almost like a gunshot.

A dog doing a full-body shake.

Still time to walk in the grass.

It's better without shoes. I'll put them here. Soft and wet and cold. But not too cold.

It's too cold!

It doesn't bother me because I don't want it to. I'll pick them up when it's time to go. But now it's time to flow. Hah! Go with the flow. Joey said things like that that, mm-hm, he did

last night the kiss the kiss.

Said it's no good trying for things you can't have, no need to over-dramatize, not to care so much about

Lance

stereotypical feelings. And he's right

but

and

he kissed me

why?

it's

not as I thought it would be not right only warm and wet wet wet

and then he said You see?

so wet out here! My pants are getting wet and they probably don't cut the grass very often.

Swish swish.

I could hear it if Justin and Chris weren't shouting so much

can't they ever shut up?

And there are cars on the highway, fiveway

stop it stop it!

growling like animals. If they were animals, what would they be?

prowlinghuntingmeanthings

Maybe wolves?

sexygreyleanthings

But wolves wouldn't be stupid, running on a straight road. They wouldn't like the

don't they run in packs, in the forests?

endless flat, no protection.

Maybe it's true, and they were locked in a mountain with dinosaurs outside.

mm mm mm mm mm mmmm-mm-mmm

Heh. It would be funny, with the car-animals

crouching hiding

waiting in the caves,

eating each other, making car babies

listening-

still statue, looks like white and shiny, turned to the moon

Oh.

Lance!

He doesn't see me. Beautiful, the shadow like that, looks soft but hard

beautiful, so beautiful, soft now, the fair Ophelia

heh.

He's almost colourless in the moonshine

does the Moon have colours? Maybe it's not black and white and grey maybe it's really beautiful and greengoldwarm

maybe he's a vampire

maybe he's just died

no!

If Lance was a vampire, maybe he'd turn me

or eat me.

or rape me.

I saw him breathing. Not easy to see, he's so still

... still... still...

like the waves from a tiny pebble in the pond at home smell of stale water

I wonder what he's thinking about. Probably

mememe! But he wouldn't

just looking at the stars.

Chris is stupid, running

shouting!

all the time. The night is beautiful tonight and wet and still and he's just rushing

defiling corrupting

through it and he can't see

Lance

it.

There's a wall

Lance still hasn't moved, why not?

right there. I could lean on it and Lance would lean in with me and

I could smell him

we could talk about

I love him no I don't! Joey says I don't

small things.

Joey is back at the bus and I can hear Chris and Justin far away and no one else is here and it's safe and I want to I need to know I don't care

The stone wall is colder than the grass, cold to lean on

moon chill loon chill

and Lance is almost behind me and he still doesn't move

why doesn't he move?

but now he does and he looks at me and he turns around and he leans in

please kiss me

and-

"Isn't that cold, C?"

His voice so warm, like

love

...a really warm thing.

...

Oh. The shoes. No shoes. Lance is looking at me

with his eyes, can't look away

tiny smile

beautiful lips

and I can't breathe and I can't think.

can't think can't think

He touches my arm. Hand so warm! Air is cold. Breathing

don't let go touch me foreverever don't let go

"No, I like feeling the grass."

Too much saliva. I have to

can't stop myself Joey can't stop me!

ask him and his smile is wider

I love love his lips skin eyes body everything please

"Lance, I have to ask you..."

Have to say it nownownow

am I doing this?

are you in love with me say it nownownow

Joey said

now say it

"Are you in love"

...love... love...

"with me?"

heatexplodingfreefalling I did it

pleaseohplease

Watch him what is he thinking

I can hear my heartbeat

what will he say

He looks away! Why does he look away?

he isn't he needs to think he's embarrassed he isn't he's surprised he isn't

oh please oh please

"Would you... be mad at me if I was?"

!!!

What? What? Never! Why would I?

!!!

What does he think-? Is it-?

please

He's not looking at me

why?

I have to unlock my jaws

saltmetallicstale in my mouth

What should I say?

I never thought further

"No!"

too loud

"No."

better

"No no"

stopstop now, I sound stupid

He looked at me! He's so beautiful

want to touch don't dare

I have to say something he's waiting.

"I just..."

What do I say

love you!

I have to say something

love

good something to make him

love me

I can't fuck this up.

"Because if you are..."

I love you so much

"It's not..."

an inconvenience. I can't say that!

"I was... hoping you were."

"Yeah?"

He looks...

fuckablebeautifulshyhothot

adorable looking up

heatmelting

like that

he'll look like this sucking me

"Yeah."

I don't want to say anything more please understand I'd really like to kiss you now can I please?

The rain is starting up again

breath of cold like sweat but not

he's looking away, up, then back is there going to be nothing more than this?

shiverlonging

The wall is cold colder suddenly I didn't notice we were so close before. He looks warm

cold

warm

and he's stepping even closer and the wall is holding me still I could sway into him if I was standing not leaning I could stand up straighter-

His hand is rising I can't move his hand is pale

white like ice

or a dead thing

in the moonlight

he's going to strangle me

as I watch it getting closer. It wraps

hot! slidingskin

around the side

shiver I can move into his hand

of my neck.

He's looking at me

so close so close

I can move I can feel the heat of his skin through his sleeve, shoulder, and the skin is right there wanting my hand and my fingers slip over the neckline

I want to

and yes, he's so warm

So warm

I have to press down, his skin makes my fingers shake

dancing spiders

I haven't gotten an answer, but I

feel it through my hand my neck my eyes

think I know what it is anyway.

"So?"

His eyes are on my mouth when

"Yeah."

and I can lean forward now and I pull with my hand but he's leaning quicker and it's slow now and there's rain on my face my lips

hurt

and we touch

kiss fall now

and it's warm and I don't breathe and my face is hot and I think all of my skin is shivering

like the sand in an etch-a-sketch erasing everything that's been drawn

and he's breathing on my face and it's

"Yeah."

a word and it's love

rhymes with

just like love.